I'm sick of toilet paper commercials.
I don't want to see anymore stupid cartoon bears with little patches of paper littering their behind trying to make me worry that inferior toilet paper will stick to my asshole thus making me the butt of some joke.
If I was selling toilet paper I would state it's virtues simply.
"Use our toilet paper to wipe your ass, It cleans your anus and keeps the shit off your fingers!"
This could also be transformed into a into a politicians campaign slogan.
("I'll clean your ass so you don't have to get dirty!")