Wednesday, April 16, 2008

The Aristocrats, (my version)

The other night I caught “the Aristocrats” movie.
Now this is not the animated one with cute fury kittens.
No, this is the one with live comics each telling their own version of the most hideously, disgusting joke on earth. A joke that is so perverted in each variation and telling that it blurs the line between humor and just plain sophomoric gross out.
I laughed from start to finish and spewed milk from my nasal passages as Gilbert Gottfried told his version.
The joke starts out the same way no matter who tells it. It always starts with “A talent agent is sitting in his office one morning when a man and woman come in and tell him that they would like to audition the family for him. He tells them that he has all the family acts he can handle at the time. The wife, or maybe the father, says “Won’t you please just see us this once? We’re a little different than the rest.” To which the agent agrees feeling that he has nothing to lose.
The family comes in (son’s, daughters, grand parent’s, midgets, people of “color”, winos off the street and always at least one dog) and starts to perform the most perverse acts ever seen before or since. Here is where the artist comedian is allowed Cart Blanc, where anything goes.
Like the opening of the joke, the end is also always the same in that the agent can’t believe his eyes at what just took place. He gathers himself and say’s “Wow. That’s the most unusual and original act I’ve ever seen. What do you call yourselves?”
At which time the family responds “The Aristocrats!”

Of course I had to come up with my own version after seeing the show.
But since I only have a few moments before I must go to work I’ll jump right to the end of the joke.
‘The agent looks around at his destroyed office. He sees the original constitution lying in tatters and covered in feces. He sees once proud working people lying naked in the corners, barely breathing, under a chair is the gold covered fetus idol, there are Gestapo-like agents boot heeling around, and every where he looks the very air is filled with despair.
In the middle of his office stands the family, looking nonchalant, comfortably wrapped in the flag still engaged in some strange sexual act.’
The agent says, Wow. That’s the most unusual and original act I’ve ever seen. What do you call yourselves?”
At which time the family responds “The Bushes!”

For music listening you can't beat Roy Buchanan. Find a copy of "Sweet Dreams" and just let the troubles disolve for the time.

In Passing: Buddy Rubbish,a Valley icon of humor, the first DJ and first voice at WRNX, a guy whom was just plain fun and nice, died over the weekend.
Buddy,you were bigger than the rest. God speed and while you out there see if you can look up the Commodore, Mr. Bracken, and have some good laughs together.
(I'll mention you to Jodie foster if I ever see her)

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